I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
