if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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