SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
