If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
