this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
