It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we still banned from the library?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
