why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
