how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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