I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
