these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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