i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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