Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
