Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
