I think im going to throw up on grandma
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
