whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
