You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
