Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
be right there i have to get my cape
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
