It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
