so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am midnight drunk by noon
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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