So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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