She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
