why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
