then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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