just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
