Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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