I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
