Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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