Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
