terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
