what day is it and did you see me today?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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