remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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