i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
