yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
