i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
