Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
