angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
