I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
