I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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