barbara walters just said penis...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
