i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
