Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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