oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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