I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He passed out mid-signature
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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