can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
