Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
