I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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