so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
