i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think people are normalizing furries
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
