Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
