you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
