I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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